She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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