You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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