yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How external is "for external use only"?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
