just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
