I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
