K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
