The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
