Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
