she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
