She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
