I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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