its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
