Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
