I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
