whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
