Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
