Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
