he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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