So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
