So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
