I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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