Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
