I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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