it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Did I show you my penis last night?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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