True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
