Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
