i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
