saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Last time i carry you out of a forest
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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