nut hugger
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
