we're blogging at a bar
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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