Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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