1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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