In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
