I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
