His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize