Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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