Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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