Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
