So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
