oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
