i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
