Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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