About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
