I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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