Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
