the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think people are normalizing furries
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize