Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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