Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
NoShamevember. You game?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize