Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
