Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
