i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
