Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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