You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
