I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
