I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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