And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
