'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
