I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
