we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
