I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
