wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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