Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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