Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
