i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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