Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize