its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
