dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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