I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
