I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
