yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
