I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize