girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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