i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
