Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
