I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
