he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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