just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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