I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Come on in and take your pants off
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