so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
