Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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