I want to stick my p in your. b.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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