i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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