I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
