Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
