Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
