Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize